~ ~ ~
“Collective Minds of Eris’ Children”
Page SIX
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Pope Fay (FAYANORA)
301. Lo! Pope Fay wonders
when you did that, because last night at work she got a large batch of
inspiration and wrote three pages of scripture! Some of what will be written
here will be excerpts from what she wrote last night.
302. She also wondered if
you've read all the scripture that came before, for it is REALLY good!
303. Think of sexuality as
a religion. You may be born into a Heterosectual
household, but the Gawds of Homosectuality,
Bisectuality, or Asectuality
might call you. So you convert to a new sectuality.
This may be why some people try to convert others to their sectuality.
But I don't think you can, really.
Would a Homosectual
who happens to be a drag queen and tries to convert people to hir sectuality be a crossdresslatizer? *giggles*
304. George W. Bush is an
invader from a universe bent on domination of the socio-economical alternative
to expensive household cleaners that most people buy junk food for their
darling little pets.
305. And if you act TODAY,
something cool will happen, and it will be automatically charged to your
library card unless you call to cancel before the two-week, no-cost trial
period is over. HA! You acted, because we threw you onto the stage during the
middle of the play while you'd been in the shower! You now have 2 weeks in
which to fill out three-hundred and thirteen pages of the document to cancel,
and send it back to us, but you can't leave the play, THE SHOW MUST GO ON! It
is a three-week play. For complaints, call
1-900-WE-ARE-THE-GAWDS-SO-HAHA-FUCK-OFF.
306. It's
a hard-knock life, so knock hard or knock it off. Knock on wood, but keep your
hands off my head (either one) and off of my knockers. Knock-knock jokes will
be knocked out and used for firewood.
307. Pope Fay didst shriek
and say, "No no, that's
too hard! And besides, that's for PAGE NUMBERING, you phool!"
then she laughed until she turned into a rubber cabbage and was captured by Trojanz brand condoms and made into a rubber rubber.
308. Thou shouldst read 288 through 306, they're GOOD. :-) And more to come...
___
309. I have written much,
301 to 308. I now continue.
310. Telemarketing firms are
awash with Eristic vibes, what with all the wierd
names, hard-or-impossible-to-pronounce names, strange answering machines,
stupid people who think they're funny, addresses with numbers like 666 or 69,
funny town names (if you called overseas, you might get someone in Fucking,
Austria), and computer gliches that do wierd things. Like last night, Pope Fay got a call where
there were three different answering machines going at once, and the phone was
ringing at the same time!!!
311. Working at SITEL (a
telemarketing firm), I have learned how to smile even when someone is yelling
at you. The trick? They can't see you, they don't know
where you are, you're seperated by many miles, and I
know where you live. *Cocks rifle* >:-)
312. Let it hereby be
shown that "Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!" is *five* words, as the Erisian Discordians value the
number five. Shoikinistic Discordians
like me, however, value the number 6. So OUR cry is "Hail Shoikin! All
Hail The Mother" Because it's 6 words.
Hail Shoikin! All Hail The Mother!
(Most Holy Fobea)
Chapter 2: The Enlightenment of Ages
1. Just kidding...
313. "Uhm..." Spake Foebea. "Forgot my wallet." Foebea didst then retrieve his wallet from the counter where he had left it only the night before, and left the diner.
314. As he was leaving, he shuffled at the door to avoid running into a small boy who was entering the restaurant at the same time. A name-badge sticker on his lapel labeled him as 'Little Olin Fnard' and he seemed to be no more than 11 years old.
315. Little Olin Fnard didst then approach the counter, and, in a faux attempt at a vocal impression of Old Man Witherspoon, he didst spaketh as such:
316. "Whiskey. Straight up". The attendant looked sternly at Little Olin Fnard and then brightened, happily pouring him a tall milk glass of the strong drink.
317. Little Olin Fnard put the oversized Bulldog revolver back in the sholder holster and partook of the wonderous drink. Little Olin Fnard gave forth a great belch for the ages and relaxed in the stool, looking to the entrance, waiting for what he knew must come.
Pope Fay (FAYANORA)
318. Then a fnord flew by, flying at
negative 350 MPH. (Fnords are special, they can move
at negative speeds. They don't stand still, they're moving, but they're moving
slower than having no speed. WRAP YER BRAIN AROUND *THAT* ONE, EINSTEIN!!!)
319. It was then revealed
that Little Olin Fnard was the opposite of Kell (God
of Innocents and Innocense)---Little
Olin Fnard was the God of Anti-innocence. Put into
Christian terms, he was like the Anti-Christ, but worse. Word on the streets of
the heavens was: Lucifer was scared shitless of the little Demon.
320. Pope Fay then
sauntered over next to this Demonic kid and ordered iced tea with added
caffeine (she just lived right on the Edge, didn't she?). She then saw the kid,
said, "Awww, what a coot wittle
kiddy!" and pinched his cheeks. He glared at her, but she didn't seem
scared.
321. Much as he wanted to
kill her in that moment, he restrained himself, for it was she he had been
awaiting. He had a message for her.
"I've got a message for you,
Fayanora," he said.
"Awww,
the wittle kiddie's got a
message for me, does he? Well what is it, wittle cootsie-wootsie boy-o?"
Little Olin Fnard growled, but counted to ten, and calmed down.
"My message, broad, is this: First, I am NOT a little kid! I am a Demon
who is over 200 million years old, and I scare even Lucifer! Second, I haven't
killed you, raped your corpse, and eaten your internal organs (much as I would
like to) because a friend I greatly respect (named Shoikin) told me not to hurt
you. And third, the message is: 'Hi. This is a message from Bob. You, Fobea, and a Motley Crue of
people must find the crown of the Blorgian Schnorg of the planet Schnozz. It
was stolen. Take Little Olin Fnard with you for
protection. End of message."
323. Fay was stunned. Fay
was scared. She had to have Olin repeat the message seven times before she
finally screamed and went insane. But Shoikin cured her of it, and she began to
drink heavily of the extra-caffeinated tea.
324. Little Olin Fnard then remembered something. "FOBEA!!!" he
shouted with a voice that shook windows on the far side of China, "GET
YOUR ASS IN HERE!!!"
325. And Fobea came running in, saying, "What the fuck was
that?"
326. Fay was about to tell
him. Then she did.
(Most Holy Fobea)
327 Foebea hmmmed.
(Heyyas... every scripture needs a two word sentance, wright?)
328 Foebea considered what he had just heard, and finally responded, "Okie Fay, I'll go out with you, but just this once. I mean it this time!"
329 Little Olin Fnard dispaired, searched about, located and violently and forward latterally relieved himself of some of the choicier contents of his stomach.
330 Little Olin Fnard patiently explained to the, now gooey and smelly crowd, of his situation. He had been set on a task, nay a mission, yet verrily nay once more, a quest... The Quest... A Quest from God Himself in all his wonderous billowing smoke and little burning trees and such.
331 Little Olin Fnard has been set to locate several items of cosmic importance for God Himself (etc). These items were spread to the far corners of the land many aeons ago, to protect the world the choatic rulings of the one who possessed them.
332 "You see," Little Olin Fnard began. "God told me that he met this girl while dancing in a cage at a biker bar. Her name is Eris and after a few drinks at the bar... God, Eris, and that other Eris went back to Gods place and got to know each other." Little Olin Fnard thought for a while, confused.
333 Foebea looked to Fay, but she was just as bored as he was.
334 Little Olin Fnard continued "So anyways, God tells me that she said he gets her these items if he really loves her and all, and thats where I come in. And thats why you are covered in half digested oranges and pears.
335 "Ever since I started, many have tried to stop me from completing it. I have been possessed by demons about 4 times a week for the past year now." Little Olin Fnard admitted.
336 Little Olin Fnard brightened and stood up. "I have come here because I need your help. We must assemble 9 people to complete this holy task set upon us. We must locate and return the folling items: The Sacred Flatbread of the east, held by the ruler of Malgovia. The penultimate Knife of Plato. The Mayonaise of Kmart on East Street NYC, circa '45. The Dissimilar CanOpener of the Unholy, protected by the demons of Sulfer and Brimstone in the Mountains of Paun-Ani. The Unlabeld, Undated, Wholly Unremarkable can of tunafish from the gas station around the corner, kept in the back underneath the box of burnt out lightbulbs.
337 "This is the burden which is ours to carry. We are to be The Fellowship of the Sandwich. This is to be the Quest for The Infamous Tuna-Fish Sandwhich of Madagascar!"
338 Foebea looked to Fay.
339 Fay looked to Foebea.
340 The both looked to Little Olin Fnard.
341 Pulling Colt 45s from just off camera, they unloaded both magazines into
Little Olin Fnard, who promptly stopped talking.
Moral: Little boys shouldn't piss off gods.
Pope Fay (FAYANORA)
342. And both magazines having been unloaded, it was revealed that they had been Playboy and Penthouse. And Little Olin Fnard picked up Playboy and stared with huge, cartoonish eyeballs at the nudie pictures.
343. Thereupon did Pope Fay reach seductively into her right thigh-pocket, and slowly pulled out her long, hard, pink, rubber, strap-on... book. Yes, the strap-on book once more, from the scripture Lipinski 66.69. She strapped it on, and said, "I don't know what we're supposed to do, now that Olin Fnard's said two different things in the space of two postings. So I shall preach from my strap-on book!"
344. And she said nothing, for that was what was written in the book.
345. Then did the police come, and arrest Pope Fay and Most Holy Fobea for giving pornography to children. Pope Fay tried to protest that Olin Fnard was not a child, but the Greyfaced fool didn't believe her.
346. In the police car, Pope Fay finally smiled at Fobea and slipped out of her cuffs like a cartoon would have.Then she said, "Why do our dates always end up like this?" while gesturing to their date crop, which had gone bad and was green with mold.
347. So then she summoned her pet Groggles and a horde of fnords, which caused the car to flip over 9 times and come crashing into a fire hydrant. The gasoline leaked from the car, and it then exploded. The policeman sat, unharmed, 20 feet away. Fobea and Fay were seen riding the Groggles away to freedom, and the policeman couldn't remember what they'd looked like, or what they'd done wrong.
348. And then the car stopped burning, and made like a tape going backwards,
the explosion imploding and backward-flipping the now intact car back onto its
wheels.
It was later rumored that the
policeman went insane, quit, and now works as a male stripper.
Lord Random Hearse (TANSTAAFL28)
349. And thus with a booming voice did Lord Random sayeth:
"We the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing."
350. And with these brave words, didst Lord Random skip across the stage, strutting and fretting his existence..."For what a piece of work is man..." he began before a large crane removed him from the audience's view.
351. Just then didst two unusual things happen. Lord Random peed his pants, and appeareth on the stage three large watermellons, two chimpanzies, and a rutabega.
352. OBJECTION! Since the watermellons, chimps, and rutabegas have no bearing on this story, we move that they be stricken from the record.
SUSTAINED. The Jury will discregard the three large watermellons, two chimpanzies, and one rutabega.
353. Thus the aformentioned disregarded items are no longer an issue, the peeing of Lord Random's pants is of interest, as he was lifted from his position on the stage by a large crane and in the process hoisted over the top of the stage lighting, where his urine shorted out the electrical system causing a massive explosion, which sent Lord Random through the roof, literally.
354. Thus it can be truly said that Lord Random Hearse brought the house down.
355. And on a sadder note, Lord Random was offered unemployment as an alternative to employment just this past Friday. Thus, if anyone is looking for a professional out-of-work bum who knows just enough about computers to be dangerous, please let him know.
356. And Lord Random entered orbit next to a spy satellite, which was snooping not at the middle east, but at the Playboy Mansion, which there appeared to be a wild orgy going on. Lord Random determined that he would "drop in" for a visit.
357. And thus did Lord Random produce his trusty communicator and say: "Scotty, Beam me down!" and LO! He dematerialized, only to rematerialize directly on top of the nude sunbathing Miss October 2002. The lingering tingle from the transporter beam infused with baby oil and the proximity of a hunk of masculine flesh had their effects upon the poor Playmate, and she was overcome with passion. Lord Random determined that the intersection of enlightenment and bliss may very well run between this woman's legs and was determined to find out. "Diver Down!" he cried as he proceeded to eat her box lunch at the "Y" much to her surprise and pleasure.
Pope Fay (FAYANORA)
358. Pope Fay didst cry
with sadness at the hearing of Lord Random's exile
into the Land of Unemployment, for she knew of the torments such an exile could
bring, so she handed him a fishing rod and a keg of fresh water, and said,
"You shall be like Jesus, eating naught but fish for 40 days and 40
nights, and drinking naught but water. For this is the Unemployment Dessert,
and do not eat the sands, for they are bitter like sour juice."
359. So Lord Random tookest the fishing rod, while still eating the Playmate,
and Pope Fay told him that enlightenment shall come from previous passages in
this scripture, from when he once again trampled her numbers. :-)
360. She also warned him
that, when he was in the Unemployment Dessert, to beware temptation by Ye Debil Greyface. "Partake in Erisian celebrations, to keep yeself
from becoming as an Angel Whoreshipper. For the
comforts of Greyface may be tempting, but follow him
knot, for his is a double-edged comfort. Remember ye,
to commit deadly sins, and revel in Eris' Holy Shtuff."
361. Then she turned into
a cigar and slid down the Playmate's box and wiggled her way like a sperm into
her ovaries.
362. The resulting
half-breed would become a cross between a cabbage and an Erisian,
and would be known forever as a SubGenii.
Lord Random Hearse (TANSTAAFL28)
363. And thus did Lord
Random curse profusely as he was about to send his completed scripture when ALL
of it suddenly "disappeared" from the screen. As with all good
scripture inspired by the moment, it is soon forgotten once written. Thus doth
Lord Random start once more with a sigh, a wimper,
and an orgasm.
363
1/2. And
Lord Random took the Sub Genii and made tasty cabbage rolls from them and
smoked them. And it was good.
364. And Lord Random
contemplated his need to pee, and decided to tend to that briefly as the phone
rang and it was not for him, as all the calls have similarly not been for him
when indeed he would be happy for them to be for him since he has put his
resume out and about to net him a job and nobody is calling.
365. And so Lord Random
straps on his utility belt to do battle with the forces of boredom, drudgery,
and doldrums. And because he can't think of anything else to
do.
366. But alas, does
Lord Random go "bobbing" for Cigars between the legs of his playmate
and come out smoking a nice one.
367. And thus did
people look skyward for hope..."Look, up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a
plane? Is it an Islamic Fundimentalist? No! It's a
Big flying Dildo! (Lord Random's personal Yaught) "Just don't turn the vibration controls on, it
gets the women crazy."
368. And
with these brave words, did Lord Random pull himself up from his
bootstraps and make the trek to do battle with the forces of unemployment. And
it was hard and desolate, but he would not give up until work was found and
work was done and work was paid for.
369. And
thus was our hero trapped in the Infernal Office Chair, will he survive? will he perish? Tune in next time to find out the exciting
conclusion, Same slacker time, Same slacker channel!
370. This verse has
been sanitized for your protection. Please remember to wash your hands after
use. Thank you.
Pope Fay (FAYANORA)
371. Pope Fay was ABOUT TO
scream out a rant for the ages against computers that make things suddenly
disappear, when the computer went back when she hit the backspace key (how the
fuck it gets "back" from "backspace" is unknown), and she
shot the fucking thing with a sawed-off shotgun 18 times. She then resurrected
it, and went back to her typing.
"To err is human, to REALLY FUCK UP,
one needs a computer."
372. And Pope Fay began
reading "The Book of the SubGenius," and
saw many tidbits of wiz-dumb, though the OVERALL CONCEPT seemed to her to be
TOO FUCKING WIERD.
373. She then ranted,
"Fools say that nothing is true! RUBBISH! For SOMETHING has to be true, in
order for it to be able to be said that nothing is true!" So she was shown
the Truth: "SOMETHING IS TRUE, BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF I KNOW WHAT IT
IS!"
374. There it was then
shown that that means, we'll be damned to a life of
misery if we discover the Truth. For more on this concept, visit
http://fayanora.23ae.com/misc/surprise.htm
375. Then something
stranger than Discordian fiction occurred: Pope Fay
discovered The Long-Lost Open-Minded Fundamentalist.
376. The Pope (Fay) then
wished Lord Random luck on his trek through the dangerous terrain of
Unemployment Land, then turned into a duck and goosed him.
~Bear (Sitting in silence :)~ (BEARDENBRANC)
Here is something I've recently received that I think goes along with the
sentiments of the scripture ...
|
Subj: |
This sparked my Love Life! |
|
Date: |
9/14/2002 9:23:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time |
Your Weekend Inspiration:
Anger is a condition in which
the tongue works faster than the mind.
Lord Random Hearse (TANSTAAFL28)
377. The greatness of technology is that it exponentially increases the flaws of its creator. As creators, we are emotional, unpredictable, and completely insane, thus our technology reflects this sentiment. Lord Random's computer: Sasha the Sanctimonious Succubus Number Cruncher Extrordinaire, is prone to such fits of PMS and emotional trauma. This only confirms one's faith that chaos is everywhere.
378. A computer is the method by which we expand our minds, communicate, put our thoughts down in a messy disarray of pixels, ones, zeros, and the occasional FNORD. Thus doth the necessity for one to recognize that the machines thought to be designed to create order and organization are, in fact, instruments of chaos.
379. And thus does Lord Random continue his fine adventure with DELPHI when he forgot to change the number on his credit card to reflect his replacement card number, thus did he lose his Delphi Plus membership and was subject to the indignities of no sig, no WISIWYG editor, no cute little icon next to his name, and no way to access the DelphiPlus forum to correct the error. But as with all things, one may solve a problem by doing anything at random and not bothering to check the results. The solution and the problem mate like minks in the middle of a fur orgy.
380. Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. Mind is a condition by which a thought is a solid object and all solid objects are mere conceptions of a thought in the mind of someone whose tongue is without measure and whose anger is without peer, and though having a mind may seem like a terminal condition, it is easily remedied with high voltage. Lick it up, turn your head, spit it out. Gaw the god, wag the dog, and forsake all depressing of tongues.
381. Something be true, something be false but somethings are neither or both and considered to be a pair of docs, but this is utterly ludicrous since the universe is big enough to be more than one thing at the same time and mere mortals are simply too addleminded to notice. Regardless, the truth is the truth and the false is the false and neither one is necessarily what we think it is and isn't and therefore one must refrain from such melancholy machinations.
382. And Deus Ex Machina swooped down to save the Nick of Time, who was always on the verge of complete and utter collapse. The calvary charge was precipitated by a Rebel Yell, which simply meant that some of the Calvary were, in fact, Rebels. But this presents no serious problem since everybody is a Rebel Without Applause, and a cliche is nothing more than a cute saying that everyone beats like a dead horse marching to Mars. And thus did Lord Random Hearse discover that his name was forever changed yet again in the fine tradition of change. People wonder if he was really Dr. Who all along and that may be, but he is what he is and that is nothing to shake a stick at, or anything else for that matter.
383. And the Ball And Chain doth Enter the picture wanting the bathroom scrubbed without Soft scrub. This presented a problem as the powder scouring substance substituted for the thick premixed oozing green goo that powers through soap scum and surface microrganisms is of utmost importance to the safe and sane operation of all bathroom appliances.
384. The toilet of its own is not of great use, for it is the space it provides for waste removal that is of praise. The space of a sink provides a vessel for cleansing waters, the space of a tub for these waters to reach even the most remote minute cracks and crevices of the body, and this is a good thing, for stink smells really bad and has a tendancy to itch if not scratched.
385. And thus does it seem likely that the Nick of Time will be saved yet again and then doth anyone who thinks it proper to discover that they can have as many names as they damn well please and thus are not limited by one definition of existence or denial thereof which is to say that everybody is somebody and nobody is everybody and this is the fundamental structure of the Universe tripping on Electric Koolaide Acid mixed with grain alcohol and set on fire.
Pope Fay (FAYANORA)
386. Lunkalily: Do you have ice
cream?
Pope Fay: In 2300 flavors. We have "artificially
hamburger-flavored soy-meatballs mixed with tuna fish and mayonaise
with a hint of tobasco sauce, peanut butter, elephant
boogers, and Jack Daniel's" flavor, if you're interested.
Lunkalily: I doubt very much
that i shall be visitng
your ice cream shops.
Pope Fay: Oh, but we have normal flavors, too. One of our
favorites is "cat food and strawberry with a hint of lemon." :-)
387. And it was revealed that Pope Fay was confused and naked, and she screamed
and pulled the shower curtain back to where it had been, continuing then her
singing in the shower with her pet meteor, for don't you know of the term
"meteor shower?" It's NOT the same as a baby shower, which is when
babies shower you with the yellow waters of Life the boardgame
is a fun game I think but I've never played it so I don't NO!!!
DON'T HURT ME!!! I'LL NEVER EAT YOUR MACARONI AND CHEESE Again, we have the
same problem of that our employees are stealing home and now the score is 23 to
5, but who cares for the children when the parents must go out to Lover's Lane
for a good fuck session? Certainly not that lady over there, she's the hand
that rocks the cradle.
388. If this is confusing you then remember that confusion is the fusion of the
Con, and you've been conned out of millions of househusbands everywhere SWEAR
BY our new product of sentences running into one another chaotically like so
many fender-benders in a sudden traffic jam damn door jam dam the Hoover Dam
and kiss the Egyptian's Asswan Dam communists! If
this makes any sense to you then you are a very talented person maybe you'll be
the next Madonna or Marilyn Manson on crack in the sidewalk the size of my
penis?
389. That's it for now, folks.
Lord Deus Ex Machina (TANSTAAFL28)
390. And it were revealed that all good things are actually bad when taken in quantities large enough to get an elephant high. And a high elephant is just asking for trouble. What goes up, must come down. Ever saw a crashing elephant before? Not a pretty sight.
391. And LO! It was revealed to Lord Deus Ex that Pope Faye has tapped into the primordial soup yet again and is dancing with the fairies of the root. For her verses are inspired and silly, as they should be. And it is a sign of great rejoicing, singing, dancing, meteor showers, multi-flavored ice cream, bridal showers, baby showers, and what the hell, showers for everyone because we can and we will, so BACK OFF!
392. And didst Lord Random stand in the middle of the Hoover Dam, where it is possible to simultaneously stand on the borders of two states. Lord Random was both a solid and a liquid, Arizona and Nevada. Oh my! What a mess! But its all biodegradable and washes off most carpets in a snap!
393. An it was revealed that Lord Deus Ex hath shaved his head bald for no particular reason (Actually he shaved it because his hair grows rather fast and thick, it is low maintenance, and he has the technology). This is standard operating procedure. Situation Normal All Fucked Up is the watchword of the day, but who watches the watchers?
394. About this time did Lord Deus Ex find himself in the middle of a raging cluster fuck. This is not a bad thing though, since it is only means he might get laid. In for a penny, pound, nickle, dime, yen, ruble, peso, pisata, dinero, lira, sheckle, and most especially gold pressed latinum.
395. And thus did Lord
Deus Ex come to his own rescue as usual and wish all a good night, morning,
day, night. It is almost that time again when he must trek out into the world
and back again. Yeee haw! Remember: If you've ever
used lard in the bedroom, you might be a redneck.
Pope Fay (Fayanora)
396.
Pope Fay then died laughing at Lord Random's workes (for thou ist
always best known by one's first Discordian name, as
she is best known as Pope Fay).
397.
And the other day, the Profit-Saint Fay was at work and got a call for a Mr.
Slack. An hour later, she got a Ms. Dobbs! All this while reading the Book of
the SubGenius, 'twas it a coinkydink?
Or perhaps a tiddlywink?
398.
Pope Fay then ordered another book on Amazon.com, and created a wish list. And
she saw a fellow SITEL employee reading up on Wicca (for his book was in plain
sight on top of his computer), and thought to herself, "Boy, your journey
into the occult is JUST BEGINNING." She then put her copy of the Principia
Discordia on top of her computer, in his plain sight.
399.
If you feel like getting the Pope a Christmas present, just look up Tristan
Arts' wish list on Amazon.com. Thou canst pay by check, if thou wishest. :-)
400.
Great art cannot be rushed. Inspiration comes, and expiration goes. If past the
expiration date, change your brain. Please change your mind,
it's beginning to smell bad. Who was I talking to? WHO FUDGING CARES!!!
401. For Behold! I am Lord Random Hearse the Holy Insanitary Dispenser! Forever shall I be! But alas, there are times and places were such a name is difficult to pronounce, (like when one has a mouthful of spaghetti with meat sauce and garlic and Parmesan cheese grated all over it mmmmmm!) and as any good follower of chaos, one must reinvent one's self to avoid stagnating into a greyfaced buffoon.
402. And thus Lord Random is ALSO Lord Deus Ex and they are both one and it is good to know that many and one are the same. For There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch! So fork over your dime pal! This hash ain't cheap!
403. On matters of lesser or more weighty concern one can be many and many can be one and both can be heavy or both can be high, which is to say that one and many are both high, which sounds awfully good right about now, anyone got a joint?
404. Hate is easy; love is hard (And when one is hard, love is easier than when one isn't hard). Besides the point, (which is also hard, but isn't necessarily love) which is that either love or hate takes far too much effort and it is probably better to remain detached with some self-interest thrown in for flavor.
405. Begging the question is to make one a servant of the answer. This is questionable behavior. If one is not part of the solution, then one is part of the precipitate. To properly propagate the species, it is best to copulate from east to west on a slightly downward angle. For best results, use undulating ovulating ovarian spackle mixed with piggly wiggly giggly spermatozoan goop. Knock up three times and call me in the morning. Roger dodger over and out.
Pope Fay (FAYANORA)
406. Taking a page from Lord Random's
bookie (after getting into a fight with said bookie over a bet Fay had lost
[she had bet that George W. Bush would lose the election to President]), she
changed her name to one she has in the scripture "Lipinski 66.69."
She changed it to:
The
Profit-Saint Fayanora "Sinner" Ahnabahn
For Discordianism is a non-prophet disorganization,
and it will Profit us much to have her view of The Probable or Improbable
Future.
407. Pope Fay used to eat corned beef hash, but the cows complained of having
corn thrown at them while they were trying to smoke hash, so she stopped doing
it. It it bo
bitt, banana fana fo fit, me my mo mitt, ih-it!
408. Pope Fay then wrote a scripture called "What Once Was Coloured," about how Greyface
gained power over the world. It will be uploaded soon. Upload or download, I
like it hard! I've got my hard drive ready, sitting in beddy,
my shaft is greased and lubed; 85 megs of RAM, oh my
gourd DAMN! I like my "beefcake" cubed (times three)!
409. Cheese is good, cheesecake better. Beef should not be eaten, but one can
swallow beefcake, unless one prefers to spit. But spit or swallow, wade or
wallow, sea men sure taste(s) good!
410. Militantly intolerant people shall freeze forever in Macarena. Or not. :-)
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