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“Collective Minds of Eris’ Children”
Page TWELVE
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Reverend Beautiful Pyre (FAYANORA)
971. Today's Thought of the Day: If reality is a Dream, who is the
Dreamer? Are we the Dreamers or is someone else the Dreamer? Or are
we non-existant entities contemplating our
non-existence? Or perhaps
the answer is "jellybean"?
Jigga Joy Jag (GJOY6669)
972. Who is the one who blew the answer in the wind?
[Here we got off track a while.]
(CHAOSWITCH) = Who put the bop in the Bop-she-bop-she-bop? Was it the same person who put the ram in the Ramalamadingdong? Incidentally Ramalamadingdong is a religious festival for Discordian Moslems!
(FAYANORA) = *GIDDY GLEE* CHAOSWITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW ARE YOU?
(CHAOSWITCH) = (Cue Mariachi band playing something by Deicide) Yeeaaah, HEEEEEE'S BAAAACCCCKKK! I'm feeling one helluva lot better Fay, I'm using Library computers at the moment, but, and it's a big "but" (No, not J-Lo), I should be up and running with a home system real soon now, I hope. But, by all the Abyssal and Celestial Gods, it's great to be back again! Chaoswitch, The Clown Prince Of Darkness
(FAYANORA) = It's great having you back! Glad to hear you're better. :-)
(CHAOSWITCH) = It's great to be back Fay. Todays question. How does the snowplough driver get to work of a morning?
(FAYANORA) = That's a good question. I don't know.
(CHAOSWITCH) = I figure he sleeps in the Cab. Now a constipated mathematician, he works it out with a pencil and paper! (Think about it:-))
(GJOY6669) = My question: what happened to the scripture?
(FAYANORA) = Eeeewww.... icky! (later) We got blown off course, Captain. Help us steer back?
(YUGHI66) = xxx. FULL SCREAM AHEAD!
[/off track]
Jack Schitt (ARKADIUSTIME)
*Looks Up Over His Sandbag Bunker, Hair Smoking From His Most Recent Experiment.* Well... Fire In The Hole.
973. Never Let Arkadius, Near Explosives Of Any Kind.
[off track]
(CHAOSWITCH) = <WEG> I hope it's not a sharp pencil. 2B or not 2B, that is the question! (Holy Hypatia, I hope that US pencils have the same classification as British ones) {later} And lo, Chaoswitch did shrug, for he had spent a year in the wilderness, his one comfort being thoughts of corrupting Charlotte Church, and on a good night, Beyonce Knowles too!
[/off track]
Lord Random Hearse (TANSTAAFL28)
974. Politics is like passing gas: nobody wants to be left holding the bag.
975. You smelt it, you dealt it.
976. A promise from a politician is like love from a prostitute- its only as good as the money on the nightstand.
977. Room service? Room service? I'd like to order some cheese to go with my whine. What? You say you haven't had that spirit here since 1969?
978. If one is going to crochet, one should be certain not to crochet cliches, macrome their metaphors, or detach their dangling participles on.
979. Is anyone really out there? Is there anybody here? Eat your meat, beat your meat, then play with your pudding. The servant waits while the masterbates. YUTZO!
980. Can anyone really tell me what time it is? Does anybody care?
Reverend Beautiful Pyre (FAYANORA)
981. I will remember that. [to Arkadius]
982. All hail boredom, which has spawned many grotesque creatures from the depths of Rev. Pyre's onyx soul! *eerie ghost music*
983. But of course, has fizzle out now that I'm off work. Fudge on catapillars! Oh no, the gear is jammed, I'm going to run right off that steep cli—
[to CHAOSWITCH = I dunno if they are or not, I don't have any handy right now. (No jokes there buddy or I'll eat your spotted dick. :-) ]
987. And a raucous roar of hyena laughter spread o'er the land like a fluffy blanket.
988. Loose lips sink ships. Especially Mick Jagger's lips.
Lord Random Hearse (TANSTAAFL28)
989. Shall we pay tribute to the "little man in the boat," the "pink taco," the alpha and omega, the passion orchid, the sideways smile, the ever popular "box lunch at the Y" and of course...the tunnel of love?
990. Don't forget the "wrinkled grommet" either.
991. Womb to tomb, tomb to womb, inside out, outside in around and around we go. Samsara this, samsara that...Nirvana anyone? One lump or three? Its all emptiness anyway...
992. Enlightenment may be bright, warm, fuzzy, and oh so snuggly wuggly, but it is ever so important to neglect not the shadow. My buddy, My buddy, wherever I go, it goes. Catch your shadow and win a prize!
993. Walkabout and meet
yourself, meat yourself and twist and shout. Stained blood never seems to
wash out. Damn spot! Out! Out!
994. A tell tale
heart...told by an idiot, signifying nothing. Dinner is served! Dissertations,
as always, served chilled, and feet first. Murder by numbers, 1-2-3...(stringeth together cliche's enough and language itself doth suffer from
immoral wounds).
995. Rhetoric! Rhetoric! Has
anyone seen my pet Rhetoric? It's about yea high and loves to argue in
Classical Greek. Mere allegories in the cave.
996. Gosh, I haven't had this much spark since the last time I was struck by lightning!
Reverend Beautiful Pyre (FAYANORA)
997. Oh holy shit! Shit down a moment and I will tell you a story about poison. Ask me no questions and I shall tell you no lyes, now lie down on my backside and hump like a Smurf on meth, yeth! A plethora of Yeshuas made monkey love up my black skirt and sucked my clit till I took a shit. I am a Pope and I have holy shit!
[off track]
CHAOSWITCH = And Chaoswitch,
the Great, the Old, Witch of unnumbered crimes against reality did gloat most
obscenely, and he said unto Rev. Pyre, "Verily the age of consent here is
sixteen, yea. But although I have heard of yon Olsen Twins, Elisha
Cuthbert doth draw mine evil eye, although thoughts of corrupting Michelle
Trachtenberg do start to concern me." And he did clear his throat and gaze
away into the middle distance.
And it came to pass that Chaoswitch planned to read
the fifth Harry Potter book, but a biography of the great Crowley did occupy
his mind, for therein was corruption aplenty, and yet he was vexed for sorely
did he want to know what Snape's role was, now
Voldemort had returned, and even thoughts of Kelly Brook did'st
not distract him from these thoughts.
FAYANORA = >>>Elisha
Cuthbert doth draw mine evil eye<<< Who is Elisha
Cuthbert, m'Lord?
>>>although thoughts of corrupting Michelle
Trachtenberg do start to concern me."<<< LOL!!! Me too!
>>>Kelly Brook<<< Prithee, who is
Kelly Brook? The girls of the pop group Play dost also
attract mine attentions. :-) http://www.playcentral.com
CHAOSWITCH = Holding his arms to the eternal sky, Chaoswitch did declaim "Elisha
Cuthbert is the bird what plays Kim Bauer in '24'" and trembling slightly
continued, "Kelly Brook is hotter than a tactical strike on a chilli sauce factory in Death Valley."
"I do suspect greatly that there
are websites a-plenty for them both, but i'faith nuncle, who are "Play"?"
FAYANORA = Play be-est a pop music group of much hotness. http://www.play-central.com
HERNESARROW = From above came a raucous cry and the
renegade Wiccan Hernes
Arrow leapt down from the rocks astride his chopped-up Harley-D, like unto the
cover of "Bat Out Of Hell" in reverse, a cloud of dust and a hearty
"Hail Satan!"
Chaoswitch
groaned theatrically, "Who let you back in?" And Hernes
Arrow grinned broadly, "The Big Bad is back!" and did toss his great ragg'd horns to emphasise his
point.
TANSTAAFL28 = "But WHAT ABOUT THE SCRIPTURE?!!!"
He doth cried, for his chronicle of these words has reached 94 pages in length (at 12 points), and 1000 is floating around here somewhere methinks.
[/off track]
Reverend Beautiful Pyre (FAYANORA)
998. And twas decreed that from this moment forth we would begin numbering them as we post them.
Jack Schitt (ARKADIUSTIME)
999. And Arkadius Thought apoun Fay's Idea, and saw it was good.
1000. And lo and behold, The mightly 1k Was reached, Arkadius laughed, and continued to type more.
Joylicuin (GJOY6669)
1001. Or not.
1002. Arkadius did not continue to type more.
1003. Joy did.
1004. And nobody reJoyced.
1005. And thus Rev. Alex asked if the Discordian Fields were dead.
1006. He waited for an answer.
1007. He waited and waited.
1008. Nobody answered.
1009. But the forum was not dead.
Jack Schitt (ARKADIUSTIME)
1010. And Arkadius did typeth more.
1011. And one day, Doscordian Fields would prosper again.
1012. Arkadius, unhappy with the reclusive poster's, did taketh his bat out, and began hunting for new recruits, Arkadius "Those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it."
(RAVENOTANI)
1013: And the lurkers did stare, wondering why a winged mammal would be of use in hunting for new recruits.
Jack Schitt (ARKADIUSTIME)
1014. For, if the lurkers didnt start with getting this forum bacjk alive. The winged mammal would begin eating them, 1 by 1.
1015: So the lurkers who were sorely addicted to lurking withdrew deeper into the shadows.
1016: There to lurk in fear of the hungery winged lurkivourus winged mammal.
Reverend Beautiful Pyre (FAYANORA)
1017. Arkadius did not continue typing, thus didst he show his wierdness. ;-)
1018. Reverend Fayanora didst reJoyce, even though Joy's name is not Joyce or ReJoy, but was, in fact, Joy. Though, technically not. Or maybe so. I don't know.
1019. Reverend Beautiful Pyre thinks that the low population of Discordians on Delphiforums is to blame for the poor state of the forum. We must recruit as many new Minions of Ev---I mean... Discordians... as possible.
1020. THOU SHALT NOT LEAVE ANY STONE UNTURNED! :-)
(RAVENOTANI)
1021: And raven didst look at her gravel driveway and realised she would have a very busy month.
Reverend Beautiful Pyre (FAYANORA)
1022. And Fay didst ask her "why?"
Joylicuin (GJOY6669)
1022.5 September is a busy month, that's why.
1022.55 The lazy one is July
1022.555 Raven, not I
1022.5555 Raven, not me
1022.55555 Shall go on with ten two three
Reverend Beautiful Pyre (FAYANORA)
1023. July is not the lazy one, or is it? For poor August, with no holidays at all to call its own.
Alex Gonzalez, especialista en gorditas. (OREDAMN)
1024. Neh.
Joylicuin (GJOY6669)
1025. Double Neh.
Alex Gonzalez, especialista en gorditas. (OREDAMN)
1026. Thou shall not neh in vane.
Joylicuin (GJOY6669)
1027. You can in a van.
Weaverl Blackbird (RAVENOTANI)
1028: Or with a man
Reverend Beautiful Pyre (FAYANORA)
1029. Or with a man and a woman at the same time, but the Spice Girls never have enough thyme on their side salads.
1030. When I, Rev. Pyre, was The Invidious Walking Salad, I had more Thyme than I knew what to do with while I hung out and watched the ranch dressing.
Deus Ex Machina (TANSTAAFL28)
1028. Did someone say Minions? Many minions doth a mass mob mess make.
1029. For Minions are like onions and scallions and valiums and little green squishy bugs that make strange noises in the wee hours of the night.
1030. And the tree fell where noone was there to see it, and it didst make a mighty noise that noone heard full of sound and fury. Tis a tale told by an idiot, signifying nothing in particular. Perhaps a ham sandwhich or two.
1031. On the other hand, soup does not make a very good Sand Witch. Nor does salad a meal make, alas a familiar.
1032. Not THAT! Which one? What for? Who? How much? Why Not? Where for art thou?
Joy (GJoy6669)
1033. I painfully realized
1034. I am not a child
1035. Any more.
1036. And there is
1037. No such thing
1038. As
1039. A free
1040. Love.
Onyx Heart
(FAYANORA)
1041. It was thereby revealed that revelations for all nations concerning masterbation and deprivation should be shared with elation among all in the nation even those of young age an' you should go out with an Asian you silly Caucasian or I'll give you an abrasion on your nilly-wee-faze-yun.
1042. This sentence is the meaning of life plus one thousand. Use it well, and do not let the Martian sea monkeys reveal things best left unseen.
1043. Fnord-word this message to everyone who's last name starts with a letter in the alphabet.
Joy (GJoy6669)
1044. And thus everyone changed their last name so that it
wouldn't start with a letter in the alphabet.
1045. So letters not in the alphabet were created.
1046. But then, those new letters were added to the alphabet and considered part of it.
Onyx Heart
(FAYANORA)
1047. And thusly was it decreedeth that they would start their names with numbers. So my name is 3ay.
1048. What is YOUR n@m3?
Deus Ex Machina (TANSTAAFL28)
1049. For what is in a name? A name by any other name would still be a name.
1050. Name a name that is namely named to defame and I'll name you a name that has been framed.
1051. The name of rain falls mostly insane.
1052. Propriety in the proper naming of a name for which there is no name requires precise naming ability from which there is little hope of naming names.
1053. Stifflerwhistlerootleoop is a name for that I have never heard.
1054. Golden Frognobbler is a name for that I have heard.
1055. My True Name is one I could not tell for if it were told, it would no longer be true (and I would have to give you wet willies until you pretended not to know it any more).
Humanity creates its own suffering and then
suffers as a direct result of its own creation. - Me
Onyx Heart
(FAYANORA)
1056. God is a motorcycle.
1057. Holy fucking wit!
Deus Ex Machina (TANSTAAFL28)
1062. Thou Shalt resist the temptation to get high and watch The Matrix.
1063. The Cantaloupe is not a trendy breakfast fruit. It is a melon. Treat it like a melon.
1064. Many beers is a fine way to pass an evening. A good book, a pipe, and a woman aren't half bad either.
1065. Thou shalt hold soft-core pornography sacred.
1066. Thou shalt cease any and all idea that a cigar is a phallic object.
1067. The preceding scriptures are all lies. This is not the truth. It is a test of the allergy broadcasting service. If this were an actual allergy, you would be instructed to the nearest benadryl den.
1068. Where was I?
1069. All treatises are hereby null and void awaiting the invention of the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.
1070. Just because the Ladies Home Journal has "Never underestimate the power of a woman." on its spine doesn't mean you can't use the magazine to swat flies.
1071. The preceding scripture is true. This is a lie.
1072. If logic can be used illogically, can it be logical?
1073. When crossing the street, always look up, and down.
1074. When crossing wires, always lick them. Twice.
1075. When renting video tapes, be kind, please rewind.
1076. Heretics are heretical. Horticulturists are horticultural. If one is a heretical horticulturist, is one said to be heretically horticultured?
1077. The preceding words are true. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.
1078. Disregard this statement.
1079. This scripture left intentionally blank. Oh shit!
1080.
1081. The preceding statement was written in invisible ink.
1082. We now return you to regularly scheduled brotwurst.
1083. Turkeys, flowers! Turkeys, flowers!
Onyx Heart
(FAYANORA)
1084. Thou shalt not resist temptation, for some day it may resist you.
1085. What you resist persists. What you look at disappears. DON'T LOOK AT ME!!! NOOO! AHHH!!! *fades away*
1086. Thou shalt follow thy heart, for it is red and squishy, and good with ketchup.
1087. Ketchup with me and I will squeeze out a nice musturd.
Deus Ex Machina (TANSTAAFL28)
1088. Thusly shalt thou not resist temptation, but resist hierarchial organizations of people who have too much money.
1089. In the meantime, all is well and well is all.
1090. Grass is green. Skies are blue.
1091. Can you take me higher?
1092. Higher than Hawaiian Sensimaia?
1093. Who's keeping count? Shoot them!
1094. Force Field! Force Field!
1095. Fuck numbers! Long Live Variables!
1096. Count only when you have to.
1097. Don't try to parent teenagers.
1098. Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money.
1099. Thou shalt consume at least ONE Irony on the rocks with a twist for every breath you take.
1100. I don't like numbers.
1101. The chit has sit the fan.
1102. Captain's Log: Stardate 11111133333844-4984085t4.3: I took a shit today. Dr. McCoy says this is healthy. Spock commented on how rich the shit was in natural gas. I just asked him: Just-what-are-you-saying-mister! He shut up fast, knowing I'd disintegrate him with my phaser...what were we talking about?
1103. Back in black, I hit the sack, Been too long-I'm glad to be back...End Sub.
Onyx Heart
(FAYANORA)
1104. Resistance requires resistors, which are found in electronics. If you have the capacity to be a capacitor then don't you process the processor?
1105. Said the Electronic Indian New Age Guru... "Repeat after me: 23 ohms... 23 ohms... 23 ohms..."
1106. I once visited the great Electri City, and all I wanted to do was go ohm. Everyone was resisting me, though.
1107. Resistence is futile without a resistor.
1108. Blow a fuse and spread the news... unless someone spews.
Azure Fox – Kitsune of Stuff (CAPTAPATHY)
1109. Verily, the future is great, for it is not this time now, nor is it the past, which was okay and all except for the really bloody parts.
1110. The really bloody parts were absolutely great.
1111. But the future has really bloody parts too. I refuse to comment on the verse number and any significance I may ascribe to it, for you all out there probably do not ascribe the same significance and its always better to let people ascribe their own significance to things rather than forcing it upon them with a methane whoopie cushion.
1112. And in the future, there will still be pirates.
1113. But they will be in space.
1114. So we will call them space pirates.
1115. But they'll still get scurvy.
1116. But we won't call it scurvy. We'll call it space scurvy.
1117. Someone should make a shirt, like those shirts with Che on them, but with George W. Bush instead.
1118. But it'd have to be one of the pictures of him with his really monkey-esque face all monkeyed up and stuff.
1119. That would be funny.
1120. Isn't that right, ALICE?
Onyx Heart
(FAYANORA)
1121. Alice in Wonderland? Alice from Resident Evil? Milla Jovovich is one hot… woman! Lee Loo, woo hoo, with who? Or is that whom? Leave the room and enter your tomb if you can’t stop saying who and start saying whom. KA-BOOM!
1122. Alice in Wonderland was named after Alice Liddell, a young friend of Lewis Carroll. Reverend Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, AKA Lewis Carroll. Amazing that one of the most Discordian books ever written was written by a Reverend… and he was a mathematician and logician no less. ALL HAIL SAINT LEWIS CARROLL! (Just don’t let the car roll!)
1123. Cars roll if they’re SUVs, which S.U.X. C.O.X. People who buy SUVs have nothing to SUX, and are compensating. Especially small guys with those huge Hummers, because they can’t get a hummer from a gnat even… it’d be too small.
1124. Small can be good, though. Small breasts, for one. Gymnasts are small, too. And hot. Alonzo Boden thinks so too.
1125. I’m off to watch the gymnasts now!