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User: alex_antonin (6923666)
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The LeadJournal of Alexander Antonin
(AKA Bishop Sanctimonious the Hypocritical)
Warning: Highly toxic to morons.

Name: Alexander Antonin Arts

Location: Creston, Iowa, United States
Birthdate: Nunyer beeswax

Bio: A link to an "introduction to me" page. Even people who already know me will benefit highly from this info.

BEFORE I SAY ANYTHING, I JUST WANT TO STATE ONE THING: If you disagree with anything on this site, if you think ill of me for anything I say or anything I am, if you feel like emailing me to tell me how sick I am or how much help I need or what an asshole I am or anything else of that nature, then DO NOT CONTACT ME. ONLY CONTACT ME IF YOU PLAN ON BEING CIVIL AND, IF NOT AGREEING WITH ME, AT LEAST BEING POLITE AND NOT JUDGING ME. If you choose to ignore this request, know that any emails or other contact I get from you will be marked as spam. This includes emails or other contact berating me for making my site look similar to LiveJournal... I LOVE LiveJournal, and the LeadJournal joke is NOT a joke on LiveJournal, but a self-depreciating jab at my own site.

In short: BE POLITE AND NONJUDGEMENTAL OR BE REPORTED AS SPAM.

MULTIPLICITY AND A BRIEF PERSONAL HISTORY

Hello and welcome to the page about me, Alexander Antonin. I am but one Face/Aspect of the person known as Tristan Arts. For those who don't know what this means, it means that I have a form of multiplicity in which I am essentially one mind comprised of myriad (many) Faces or "personalities" if you must. But unlike in Disassociative Identity Disorder, I did not turn out this way from abuse, nor are there always clear lines separating the Faces. In fact, a lot of "bleeding" or mixing of the Faces occurs. Goodness only knows how I (Alexander) would have turned out if I didn't get the occasional mixing with the other faces... I might have been a strict atheist with no belief in the paranormal at all. Tristan (AKA "the Original face")... well, he might have been completely autistic all his life if not for being a mid-continuum multiple.

But I'm mis-representing the state of my mind. The Faces did not arise during his childhood. The components that became the Faces later in life started to emerge during my childhood, as mental components I knew I didn't have and yet needed... which I gained through mimicry. This process was just like the process all infants and toddlers undergo, but since it occurred later in life for me, my mind came out all lumpy. Though these "lumps" had influence over me throughout my life (an influence that grew as their need was reinforced for me), and they had distinct personalities, these personalities did not really solidify into anything you could address until a year or so ago. Though the summer of 1998 took me down a path that might have resulted in an earlier solidification had I not gotten scared of myself, since that path was taken by me then in an effort to rid myself of a part of myself that I thought at the time was evil. And though it did not give the Faces names or complete solidity, I do believe most of my Faces gained a modicum of solidity there.

After I abandoned that first attempt at splitting myself (from realizing that my "evil" side could not be removed), the different Faces were in an infant form. Or toddler form, if you prefer. I don't mean that literally, of course, but they were easier to spot for me and had more influence. It was just that at this point I began to feel unlike I had before, which along with puberty was a strange combination. Sometimes I was mostly comfortable in my body, aside from not wanting freckles or pale skin; other times I felt like a dark-toned woman; sometimes I was very straight, other times I was gay or bisexual; all of me was (and is) polyamorous, though; sometimes I felt very grown up and adultlike (something that had been occurring since I was about 5 when I started drinking coffee, and later at age 8 or 9 when I was reading books from the adult section of the library); and lastly, sometimes I felt like I was still a kid. I have since identified the Faces that make up this confusing mess. Briefly, Fayanora is very feminine because she is a hermaphrodite; Alexander is largely okay with this body except for the skin tone and weight; though none of me likes the freckles and the being overweight; most of my Faces seem have have started out with one sexuality or another, but chose to be bisexual (the exception is Lo, who is a lesbian), which just means that bisexuality is the sexuality of the body, and only Lo chose to contradict that... I am not suggesting in any way that sexuality is a choice - it is not. However, Faces/Aspects seem to operate by slightly different rules... the body can be one thing, and the Faces can be something else. People with D.I.D. get this a lot.

Because of how they came about, and because of the nature of our relationship, my system/mind is a mid-continuum. Which basically just means that, though the Faces have contrary personalities, there is a lot of mixing of influences from the different Faces. Never is there just one of us "driving" the body. Sometimes it is difficult or impossible to tell who is awake and to what degree they are influencing the whole. Often times we'll talk with one another and not have any idea who is talking. And sometimes there spontaneously arise new Faces that just as spontaneously vanish. I can also concentrate on making temporary Faces I call Masks... the role of a Mask is to experience a point of view that I do not have in any of my Faces. It's very useful in both my writing and in everyday life, though at least one recent instance of doing this scared me shitless by putting on a Mask that represented a very dangerous point of view. But because of this ability, I can be very open-minded.

ALEXANDER'S PERSONALITY

The personality of this particular Face is that of an open-minded skeptic. I believe what makes sense to me, what feels right. To do this, I combine logic and reason with intuition and imagination. Mostly logic and reason when it comes to things about the physical world, and more into the intuition and imagination where the spiritual is concerned; but I always have logic and reason to help me define my beliefs and gnosis, no matter how spiritual or esoteric I am getting.

My philosophy fluctuates depending on my mood and on how much mixing of Faces is occuring from being fairly certain about how things in spiritual realms work (though always open to new data and ideas) to being a spiritual agnostic. "Spiritual agnosticism" is a philosophy in which one asserts that something beyond the physical realm must be true, but that the ultimate fallability of any perspective (especially the human ones) dooms us to never being sure whether our perspective on Truth is right or not. An example of a religion that has many adherents who are spiritual agnostics is Discordianism. Though the best times, I think, are when my philosophy is an equal mixture of "certainty" and spiritual agnosticism.

I can be a bit of a spiteful asshole when I'm angry at something, and I love being sarcastic. I also tend to find a lot to be angry about that. This is something I'm working on, though it's not turning out well, and I keep forgetting to remember to work on it. But I'm trying.

However, I am very nice to my friends when I comment, and I live in my real life (and trying to in my online life) by the following code: don't bully others with your opinion. By this, I mean that any time an expression of your opinion is a willfull act of abuse, annoyance, or harassment against someone, it is bullying that person with your opinion. This includes, but is not limited to: verbal abuse, sexual harassment, gay-bashing, racism, sexism, any kind of ethnocentrism, or any other kind of group-i
For the most part, I try to live by that rule; I generally do not verbally attack someone unless they verbally attack me first. Thus, I have a tendency online to get dragged into flame wars. But I absolutely detest drama, and so I try to avoid it where possible. This is difficult for me online, because the restraints I place on myself are off. I'm attempting to put them back on by applying something from my real life that keeps me from getting into fights: selfish altruism. The term is a bit misleading with that name, so let me define it for you:

Selfish altruism = n. The act of being kind and understanding towards others at times when you feel like being anything but, in order to try to give others a favorable impression of you.
(If you have a better name for this definition, please let me know.) I am genuinely nice to people who I either like or have no negative opinion of, but at times when someone is a person I cannot stand or is behaving in a way I am getting angry with, I (when offline) engage my selfish altruism in order to not tarnish my reputation as a genuinely pleasant person. I have mastered this ability offline... in real life face-to-face dealings, it is very difficult to tell the difference between me being genuinely pleasant or selfishly altruistic.

I have two kinds of this selfish altruism: 1. The kind that engages when someone I usually like or have no negative opinion of is doing something I don't like. or 2. The kind that engages when I genuinely can't stand a person. This second form is much easier to spot, since it is much more difficult for me to be nice to someone I cannot tolerate. Though when other Faces get involved, it can be harder to spot if they don't have the same problem that I do with the person. About the only example I can think of for that second form of selfish altruism is in my dealings with Mr. and Mrs. Cottrell, former landlords of mine who eat at the place I work quite often. I genuinely loathe and detest them, and cannot generate a single milliamp of warmth or enjoyment from their company, nor an ounce of understanding or compassion for them. They are two of the few people whom I will laugh aloud when I hear they've finally died. Thus, the only way I can be selfishly altruistic towards them is by not speaking more than I have to, and draining all emotion from my face and voice.

There will eventually be more on this web site, but for now this is it. If you have any suggestions for content, let me know at my REAL blog.

Disclaimer: I very much LOVE LiveJournal, thus the LeadJournal joke is not a slur on LiveJournal, but rather a self-depreciating joke saying, "This site is not a real blog, it just looks like a blog."
Memories: I forgot

Interests: Scroll down after clicking these:
Alexander's Interests, Fayanora's Interests, Molly's Interests, more later

Account type: Fake

User:	alex_antonin (6923666)	View all userpics
	The LeadJournal of Alexander Antonin (AKA Bishop Sanctimonious the Hypocritical) Warning: Highly toxic to morons.
Name:	Alexander Antonin Arts
Location:	Creston, Iowa, United States
Birthdate:	Nunyer beeswax
Bio:	A link to an "introduction to me" page. Even people who already know me will benefit highly from this info. BEFORE I SAY ANYTHING, I JUST WANT TO STATE ONE THING: If you disagree with anything on this site, if you think ill of me for anything I say or anything I am, if you feel like emailing me to tell me how sick I am or how much help I need or what an asshole I am or anything else of that nature, then DO NOT CONTACT ME. ONLY CONTACT ME IF YOU PLAN ON BEING CIVIL AND, IF NOT AGREEING WITH ME, AT LEAST BEING POLITE AND NOT JUDGING ME. If you choose to ignore this request, know that any emails or other contact I get from you will be marked as spam. This includes emails or other contact berating me for making my site look similar to LiveJournal... I LOVE LiveJournal, and the LeadJournal joke is NOT a joke on LiveJournal, but a self-depreciating jab at my own site. In short: BE POLITE AND NONJUDGEMENTAL OR BE REPORTED AS SPAM. MULTIPLICITY AND A BRIEF PERSONAL HISTORY Hello and welcome to the page about me, Alexander Antonin. I am but one Face/Aspect of the person known as Tristan Arts. For those who don't know what this means, it means that I have a form of multiplicity in which I am essentially one mind comprised of myriad (many) Faces or "personalities" if you must. But unlike in Disassociative Identity Disorder, I did not turn out this way from abuse, nor are there always clear lines separating the Faces. In fact, a lot of "bleeding" or mixing of the Faces occurs. Goodness only knows how I (Alexander) would have turned out if I didn't get the occasional mixing with the other faces... I might have been a strict atheist with no belief in the paranormal at all. Tristan (AKA "the Original face")... well, he might have been completely autistic all his life if not for being a mid-continuum multiple. But I'm mis-representing the state of my mind. The Faces did not arise during his childhood. The components that became the Faces later in life started to emerge during my childhood, as mental components I knew I didn't have and yet needed... which I gained through mimicry. This process was just like the process all infants and toddlers undergo, but since it occurred later in life for me, my mind came out all lumpy. Though these "lumps" had influence over me throughout my life (an influence that grew as their need was reinforced for me), and they had distinct personalities, these personalities did not really solidify into anything you could address until a year or so ago. Though the summer of 1998 took me down a path that might have resulted in an earlier solidification had I not gotten scared of myself, since that path was taken by me then in an effort to rid myself of a part of myself that I thought at the time was evil. And though it did not give the Faces names or complete solidity, I do believe most of my Faces gained a modicum of solidity there. After I abandoned that first attempt at splitting myself (from realizing that my "evil" side could not be removed), the different Faces were in an infant form. Or toddler form, if you prefer. I don't mean that literally, of course, but they were easier to spot for me and had more influence. It was just that at this point I began to feel unlike I had before, which along with puberty was a strange combination. Sometimes I was mostly comfortable in my body, aside from not wanting freckles or pale skin; other times I felt like a dark-toned woman; sometimes I was very straight, other times I was gay or bisexual; all of me was (and is) polyamorous, though; sometimes I felt very grown up and adultlike (something that had been occurring since I was about 5 when I started drinking coffee, and later at age 8 or 9 when I was reading books from the adult section of the library); and lastly, sometimes I felt like I was still a kid. I have since identified the Faces that make up this confusing mess. Briefly, Fayanora is very feminine because she is a hermaphrodite; Alexander is largely okay with this body except for the skin tone and weight; though none of me likes the freckles and the being overweight; most of my Faces seem have have started out with one sexuality or another, but chose to be bisexual (the exception is Lo, who is a lesbian), which just means that bisexuality is the sexuality of the body, and only Lo chose to contradict that... I am not suggesting in any way that sexuality is a choice - it is not. However, Faces/Aspects seem to operate by slightly different rules... the body can be one thing, and the Faces can be something else. People with D.I.D. get this a lot. Because of how they came about, and because of the nature of our relationship, my system/mind is a mid-continuum. Which basically just means that, though the Faces have contrary personalities, there is a lot of mixing of influences from the different Faces. Never is there just one of us "driving" the body. Sometimes it is difficult or impossible to tell who is awake and to what degree they are influencing the whole. Often times we'll talk with one another and not have any idea who is talking. And sometimes there spontaneously arise new Faces that just as spontaneously vanish. I can also concentrate on making temporary Faces I call Masks... the role of a Mask is to experience a point of view that I do not have in any of my Faces. It's very useful in both my writing and in everyday life, though at least one recent instance of doing this scared me shitless by putting on a Mask that represented a very dangerous point of view. But because of this ability, I can be very open-minded. ALEXANDER'S PERSONALITY The personality of this particular Face is that of an open-minded skeptic. I believe what makes sense to me, what feels right. To do this, I combine logic and reason with intuition and imagination. Mostly logic and reason when it comes to things about the physical world, and more into the intuition and imagination where the spiritual is concerned; but I always have logic and reason to help me define my beliefs and gnosis, no matter how spiritual or esoteric I am getting. My philosophy fluctuates depending on my mood and on how much mixing of Faces is occuring from being fairly certain about how things in spiritual realms work (though always open to new data and ideas) to being a spiritual agnostic. "Spiritual agnosticism" is a philosophy in which one asserts that something beyond the physical realm must be true, but that the ultimate fallability of any perspective (especially the human ones) dooms us to never being sure whether our perspective on Truth is right or not. An example of a religion that has many adherents who are spiritual agnostics is Discordianism. Though the best times, I think, are when my philosophy is an equal mixture of "certainty" and spiritual agnosticism. I can be a bit of a spiteful asshole when I'm angry at something, and I love being sarcastic. I also tend to find a lot to be angry about that. This is something I'm working on, though it's not turning out well, and I keep forgetting to remember to work on it. But I'm trying. However, I am very nice to my friends when I comment, and I live in my real life (and trying to in my online life) by the following code: don't bully others with your opinion. By this, I mean that any time an expression of your opinion is a willfull act of abuse, annoyance, or harassment against someone, it is bullying that person with your opinion. This includes, but is not limited to: verbal abuse, sexual harassment, gay-bashing, racism, sexism, any kind of ethnocentrism, or any other kind of group-i For the most part, I try to live by that rule; I generally do not verbally attack someone unless they verbally attack me first. Thus, I have a tendency online to get dragged into flame wars. But I absolutely detest drama, and so I try to avoid it where possible. This is difficult for me online, because the restraints I place on myself are off. I'm attempting to put them back on by applying something from my real life that keeps me from getting into fights: selfish altruism. The term is a bit misleading with that name, so let me define it for you: Selfish altruism = n. The act of being kind and understanding towards others at times when you feel like being anything but, in order to try to give others a favorable impression of you. (If you have a better name for this definition, please let me know.) I am genuinely nice to people who I either like or have no negative opinion of, but at times when someone is a person I cannot stand or is behaving in a way I am getting angry with, I (when offline) engage my selfish altruism in order to not tarnish my reputation as a genuinely pleasant person. I have mastered this ability offline... in real life face-to-face dealings, it is very difficult to tell the difference between me being genuinely pleasant or selfishly altruistic. I have two kinds of this selfish altruism: 1. The kind that engages when someone I usually like or have no negative opinion of is doing something I don't like. or 2. The kind that engages when I genuinely can't stand a person. This second form is much easier to spot, since it is much more difficult for me to be nice to someone I cannot tolerate. Though when other Faces get involved, it can be harder to spot if they don't have the same problem that I do with the person. About the only example I can think of for that second form of selfish altruism is in my dealings with Mr. and Mrs. Cottrell, former landlords of mine who eat at the place I work quite often. I genuinely loathe and detest them, and cannot generate a single milliamp of warmth or enjoyment from their company, nor an ounce of understanding or compassion for them. They are two of the few people whom I will laugh aloud when I hear they've finally died. Thus, the only way I can be selfishly altruistic towards them is by not speaking more than I have to, and draining all emotion from my face and voice. There will eventually be more on this web site, but for now this is it. If you have any suggestions for content, let me know at my REAL blog. Disclaimer: I very much LOVE LiveJournal, thus the LeadJournal joke is not a slur on LiveJournal, but rather a self-depreciating joke saying, "This site is not a real blog, it just looks like a blog."
Memories:	I forgot
Interests:	Scroll down after clicking these: Alexander's Interests, Fayanora's Interests, Molly's Interests, more later
Account type:	Fake